The Trials of Envy

I really, really like this poem <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/s…" width="15" height="15" alt="" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="391" title=" (Smile)"/>

So, just to step through this, I'll be going over the following: vocab, structure, and meaning.

Vocab:
Honestly, I often have a lot of issues with the vocabulary of the writers on DA. It's often very limited, and can make for rather bland writing when people reuse words over and over because they don't know any synonyms. This poem, however, was quite the refreshing piece <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/s…" width="15" height="15" alt="" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="391" title=" (Smile)"/> You had excellent diction, and you didn't use too many sophisticated words, so you avoided sounding pompous. In respect to vocabulary, perfectly done!

Structure:
You did pretty well here, though there was a place within the poem where the flow skipped slightly:

"I feel water washing up against my waist
I wonder how far into the ocean I should wade
What I would give to have a tiny taste
I envy the freedom of the mystical mermaid."

In that last line, it's just slightly too long. It breaks the flow of the poem, and when read aloud, the "mystical mermaid" causes the line to extend a bit beyond the others. The rest of the poem was very well done however, so my only advice is make sure you sound out each and every line to make sure it flows right. Overall though, great job <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/s…" width="15" height="15" alt="" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="391" title=" (Smile)"/>


Meaning:
In terms of meaning, this poem is beautiful(Not that it isn't as a whole, lol). I especially appreciated the second to last line:
"I fall to my feet, crying on the floor"
Most people would use "I fall to my knees", but the use of feet instead implies something is off about you(the person in the poem). Something mysterious, different, perhaps a slight oddity. It can also imply that the restless nights have finally gotten to you, and that you're overcome by the world. That line sold this poem to me as an excellent piece <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/w/w…" width="15" height="15" alt="" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="387" title=" (Wink)"/>


Well, overall, you did amazingly. I loved the poem, and you fully deserve a perfect score on vision, originality, and impact. I'm only taking off half a star on technique because of that slight skip in tempo, but don't let that get you down: This piece is pure gold. ^.^